Torn Emotions
by The Protector of Light
Summary: Before the events of Kingdom Hearts 1, Sora and Riku are best friends, but Sora has strange new feelings for Riku that confuse him. Riku knows what he's feeling: he loves Sora. Can these two friends cycle through their new emotions to find out that they feel the same? Or will they grow apart in trying to hide them?
1. Chapter 1

((This story takes place before the events of Kingdom Hearts 1. I hope you enjoy!))

(I do not own the characters or the Kingdom Hearts Franchise. I just am a fan writing about a game that I love.)

Chapter 1:

Sora woke up on the beach once again. He took a moment to take a deep breath of the sea breeze and feel the soft sand underneath his body, the warm sun beaming on his skin. Then he opened his eyes. The sky was the same blue it always was, the sun as bright and powerful as ever. He sat up and looked around the beach. There were a few more people around than there had been when he came in the early morning. He never could sleep at home, so he always came to the islet as early as possible to catch some rays and rest up for the long day ahead.

And as always, it was indeed a long day ahead. It was summer vacation after all. There was no way that he was going to waste a moment of it. He was going to spend it with Kairi and Riku. There was no question of that. They were his best friends after all. They had been with him through thick and thin, through all the worst. They never left his side even in the moments where he had given up all hope. He was prepared to spend the rest of his life with his best friends by his side. They had stuck together this long, what was another eternity. Right?

But it seemed that lately Riku had grown more distant than ever, as though he was searching for something that wasn't there, that something was missing. Sora had no clue what that might be, or if he was just being paranoid. However, if anyone should know Riku, it should be Sora. They had known each other since birth basically, and they had always been the best of friends. But now a rivalry seemed to be growing between them for Kairi's attention. At least, that's how it seemed to Sora. It made him afraid. He didn't want to lose Riku as a friend, and he felt as though Kairi was the only thing keeping him by his side. He didn't know what he would do without Riku.

Riku… Riku seemed to be all that Sora thought about these days. And he didn't quite understand it. He had always cared for his friend, even loved him like a brother. But this was… this was different. He had no idea how to explain it. And he never would try to explain it. He didn't like talking about personal things to anybody but Riku, and he couldn't exactly tell Riku about this. That would certainly be awkward and embarrassing. Sora didn't know what to do. He tried not to think about it too much, tried to put his mind on other things, but it all just jumped back to Riku, and how afraid he was to lose him. He wasn't ready for that to happen. He never would be.

Riku was sitting on the beach on the opposite side of the islet as Sora. He was lost in thought. This world was just too small. There was no room to breathe. He was sure that it was time to move on with is life, to go to better and brighter places. He just didn't know how. And he sure as hell wasn't going without Sora. And Kairi of course. He sighed. Once again, he had overlooked Kairi in his mind as on his list of priorities. Kairi was his friend too, and she deserved better than to be left here. But Riku just cared more about Sora. There. He'd said it. He cared about Kairi, but Sora was just so much more important to him than she was. Sora. That was all he seemed to care about. He was what kept him going, what kept him planning a way to get out of this god-forsaken island and to somewhere better rather than just giving up on the future.

He was afraid that he had been pushing Sora away. He hoped that Sora didn't feel that way, that he knew that Riku would always be his friend. But he was just not sure what to do. It seemed so much easier just to act like a rival than to try to face him every day and possibly letting his feelings slip. He didn't want to chase him away. Riku knew though: he loved Sora with all of his heart. He was prepared to do anything to protect him, even spend less time with him. He knew that Sora would just be confused if he told him about it. They had once said that they loved each other when they were young, but at that point, it was love as siblings had, and even then, when their parents heard them, they put a stop to it, saying that people might get the wrong idea. At the time, they didn't know what the wrong idea was, but they didn't want to chance people getting it. Now Riku knew that Sora might just take it as the same thing, or it might go completely over his head. He knew that Sora could be a bit dense, and he loved him for it, but it could be a little annoying at times.

_Oh well, _Riku thought. _I'll just keep dealing with it. _It wasn't like he thought there was any other choice. If anyone heard him share the feeling with Sora, they would definitely spread rumors about the two of them, and they'd eventually get back to Sora. As it was, rumors already ran wild in the hallways of the school. Most of them were completely off base though; they stated that both Riku and Sora had a thing for Kairi, and Riku most certainly did not. He wasn't so sure about Sora. He knew that if he did, he would gladly stand by them and let them be together. He knew that Kairi had a thing for Sora; that was no question. She had once let it slip, after hearing one of those rumors, as though saying sorry. And she did hurt Riku by that, just not in the way that she thought she would.

But he wasn't about to lose Sora over some silly 'feelings'. He was just going to keep it a secret; they were 'too young' for love anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

((This story takes place before the events of Kingdom Hearts 1. I hope you enjoy!))

(I do not own the characters or the Kingdom Hearts Franchise. I just am a fan writing about a game that I love.)

Chapter 2:

He got up to go and look for Sora or Kairi. He was getting bored and beginning to obsess over the two things on his mind: Sora and getting off of this island. And obsessing was definitely not healthy. He walked through the doorway to the other side of the island. He looked around and saw the one person most precious to him across the beach. Sora sat in the sand in the distance. He was a beautiful sight to see, even from such a distance. Riku shook his head. _Nope, _he thought. _I can't start this now. I have to go talk to him. _He took a deep breath before proceeding towards him. _What am I going to do? _He thought as he walked. _What am I going to say? _He shrugged. He always came up with something, so surely that wouldn't change now. Thankfully, though, he saw Kairi approaching in the distance. That always helped. He wouldn't possibly let it all slip out with her around. No, if he ever said anything, it would just be to Sora, nobody else. Not that he ever would.

He saw Sora turn towards Kairi first, waving to her. She waved at both of them, which make Sora notice Riku. He grinned that wonderful grin that made everything in the world okay and stood up from where he was sitting in the sand. Riku slowed down and let Kairi reach him first, resisting the urge to run over and hug him as he would when they were children. Right before he reached Sora, he thought one last thought: _Things were so much simpler when we were children. _"Hey guys," Riku said as he joined Sora and Kairi.

"Hi Riku!" Kairi said.

"Hey, how are you?" Sora asked. The three exchanged the pointless greetings and formalities involved with such. After they were finished, Sora asked, "So what's the plan for today, guys?"

"I don't know," Kairi said. "Any ideas, Riku?"

Riku paused for a moment. Was it time to bring up the idea of getting off of the island? He thought so. "Not necessarily for today, but I do have an idea."

Sora looked at Riku curiously. Those expressions were going to drive Riku crazy, every cute look that passed over his face. He tried not to stare, hoping that he succeeded. Since nobody said anything, he guessed that he did. "Well?" Sora pressed.

"How would you guys like to get off of this island?" Riku looked at the pair expectantly.

"What do you mean?" Kairi asked. "Like back to the main island?"

"No, no, not like that." Riku paused, trying to think how to explain. "You came from somewhere else, right Kairi."

"Yes," she said.

"We don't know where, but that is enough to tell us that there are other worlds out there," Riku said.

"So what you're saying is you want to go to other worlds?" Sora asked.

"Yes. That's what I'm saying," Riku agreed

"What's the big deal about other worlds, anyway?" Kairi asked

"I don't know. But I want to get out there and find out. What you say, guys?" Riku asked.

"I don't know," Kairi said. "Why should we? What's the point?"

"Why not?" Sora disagreed. "If there are other worlds out there, I want to see them. That'd be awesome! Just seeing other places, seeing what's out there."

"You see?" Riku asked, glad that Sora had a similar mindset. "If something goes wrong, we can always come back to this island."

"What about our parents? Our friends? Our families?" Kairi asked. She was obviously going through her concerns.

"What about them?" Sora asked. "We'll be back."

Kairi still looked concerned. "…Alright. I can't see the harm," she finally decided.

"Awesome!" Sora and Riku said at the same time, grinning to each other. It was moments like that when Riku was glad that he hadn't pushed Sora away completely. He still wanted to be around him, to have him as a friend if nothing else. Perhaps that wasn't healthy, to hide his feelings and act like nothing was there, but it was working so far. He saw no point in changing it.

"Alright. What's the plan, then?" Kairi asked.

"I haven't really gotten that far," Riku explained. "I wanted to wait and see if you guys would come too. I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my best friends."

Kairi giggled and Sora grinned, and the trio began to plan their upcoming adventure.


	3. Chapter 3

((This story takes place before the events of Kingdom Hearts 1. I hope you enjoy!))

(I do not own the characters or the Kingdom Hearts Franchise. I just am a fan writing about a game that I love.)

Chapter 3:

Sora lay awake in the middle of the night, as he did so often these days. He stared at the ceiling, trying to make sense out of the shadows in the night. He wasn't having much luck. He let his mind wander, hoping that maybe it would help him get a little bit of sleep, but to no avail.

He thought about the events of the previous day. The trio planned to make a raft and see how far it would take them. Surely it couldn't take them far, but it was as start, right? He felt like he had Riku again, which was a major relief; however, it still felt like he was on the verge of losing him. It seemed to him as though Riku was lost in his own world as much as Sora was these days, but at least Riku had a plan of what he was going to do next. Getting off of this island… it sounded more appealing than it should. Sora never had many problems with his parents, but he still felt like running away, to be with Riku and Kairi without worrying about things like school and chores. He knew that these were just childish thoughts. One day they would come to pass and he would fall into the common-place world that the adults lived in. He wasn't ready for that yet.

No, he was only fourteen years old, and thinking about growing up was too much to take at the moment. He was too busy enjoying life as it was now, on his summer vacation, planning an escape with Riku and Kairi.

His thoughts wandered once again to Riku. What was it that he was feeling? Every time he looked at his smile, he felt complete. But that made no sense. Was he in love? Surely not; Riku was his best friend, a _guy_ for goodness sake. Surely not. Not that Sora had a problem with people loving people of the same gender; it was just a reason to add to his confusion. How could he tell if he was in love? How does one know if they have fallen in love with someone? How could he separate it out from other emotions that he had felt before?

He got out of bed and snuck out his window, planning to head to the islet. He didn't care if it was the middle of the night; his parents might worry, but he was ready for it. He just needed some fresh air.

Across town, Riku was awake as well. He knew very well what was keeping him awake; all of these thoughts, about getting away from the island, about Sora; it was all too much to process, so sleep evaded him. He knew not what he was going to do about any of it. How far could a raft really take them? Would they end up stranded out at sea, or would they succeed in finding their way out into the rest of the universe?

Of course, that's not what was _really _on his mind. No, that was Sora. He remembered how happy, how excited he looked at the idea of getting off of the islands. Riku could tell he was looking forward to this just as much as he was. That made him happy: Sora was coming, and he wanted to come.

He wanted to see Sora. It was the middle of the night, but that made no difference. He fought the want though; he knew that if he went now, he might say something that would ruin everything. But he got out of bed. He had to take a walk, try to clear his head. He didn't know where he would go, but I needed to get out of there. He snuck out his window.

He watched the stars as he headed across town. What if each of those stars was another world? If that were true, why were they blinking out? Was something going on out there, was it too dangerous to leave this island? He didn't really see where his feet were leading him until he reached the dock and saw someone getting into a boat. He looked more closely. "Sora?"

Sora looked up from where he was getting into the boat. "Riku? What are you doing out so late?" Sora asked.

"I could ask you the same question," Riku was looking concerned. "Were you headed to the little island?"

"Yeah."

"At this time of night?"

"Yeah. I usually head over just a little bit closer to dawn, but I can't sleep." Sora sighed and shook his head. Ah nighttime, the hardest time to stay silent. "You never answered me before; what are you doing out?"

"I couldn't sleep either." Riku looked out towards the little island where they hung out every afternoon. "I never knew you went over there so early."

"Yeah, I never can sleep at home; I have to be laying in the sand on that island."

"No wonder you're so tired all the time." Riku laughed. "I'll cut you a little more slack."

"Nah, you don't have to. I don't need much sleep; I'm just lazy." Sora sighed.

"No you're not," Riku insisted. "Tell you what; I'll go to the island with you, so we'll both get in trouble. Deal?"

"You really should go home. I always go to the island; my family expects it. You on the other hand will have people worrying about you." Sora was also a little concerned about keeping his mouth shut if they were the only ones there that far from anyone. And he didn't know what he was going to say. He wasn't ready for this.

"Come on, if you're going, I'm going." Riku grinned and climbed into another boat. "So are we going or not?"

Sora sighed. "I guess we're going."


	4. Chapter 4

((This story takes place before the events of Kingdom Hearts 1. I hope you enjoy!))

(I do not own the characters or the Kingdom Hearts Franchise. I just am a fan writing about a game that I love.)

Chapter 4:

They reached the island in good time. They had been mostly silent for the ride, each lost in their own thoughts. Unsurprisingly, they were the only ones there. It was so quiet, so calm. They walked onto the beach and sat down in the sand, watching the tide go out. They stared at the sea in silence for a few moments. "Remember when we were kids?" Riku began. "That time we ran away to the island, just like this?"

Sora looked over. "Yeah. I remember. You were mad at your parents and came to my house to get me. We made it here and were here for a few hours before anyone figured out where we went." He sighed. "We got into so much trouble."

"Those were the days, right?" Riku laughed.

"Yeah. Sometimes I miss those days." Sora sighed.

Riku looked over. "You too?"

Sora nodded and lay back in the sand. "What changed, Riku?"

"We grew up," Riku said sadly. "I guess that's all there is to it."

"But why does it have to be that way?" Sora asked. "Why can't we still be as close as we were? Why did we have to grow up? Why couldn't things just stay the same?"

"I don't know," Riku said. "Maybe they don't have to stay the same: maybe change could be a good thing." Riku was ready to say it now, to let Sora know how he felt. Sitting there on that beach, he knew that even if Sora didn't feel the same, he wouldn't throw him out of the window.

"Maybe you're right," Sora said, sitting up. "I mean, getting off of these island is a start of something new."

"Yeah, you're right." Riku was beginning to chicken out. He knew that if he didn't say something soon, he wouldn't say anything at all. "But I was also kind of talking about something else…"

"What's wrong?" Sora looked concerned.

"Well… I don't know how to put this…" Riku began.

"How to put what?" Sora pressured as he saw that Riku was pausing. He had no idea what he was going to say.

Riku muttered under his breath, "I love you?"

"What?" Sora asked, not hearing him.

"I said I love you," Riku finally said. Sora just stared at him for a moment confused. _I blew it,_ Riku thought. But he continued, making himself clearer. "I've been in love with you for a very long time. And I understand if you don't feel the same way."

Sora just grinned that trademark grin. "You know what? I think I love you too."

"Well that certainly went better than expected," Riku said with a sigh of relief.

"What did you think I would do? Did you think I would say that I didn't want to be friends with you anymore?"

"To be honest, I was a little worried," Riku said. "I didn't truly think that you would, but it's hard sometimes to not think of the worst."

"Nope. I can't believe you would think that though." Sora scooted closer to Riku. "No matter what happens, we'll always be best friends, got it?"

"Got it." Riku smiled.

"I've just been so confused," Sora said. "I haven't really been able to think about anything but you lately. But I had no idea why."

"Well, I'm glad." Riku laughed. "It's good to know that I drive you crazy."

"Hey!" Sora laughed too. And they sat there watched the waves until morning. If only things could have stayed that way forever…

((Note: I'm leaving this open ended, because I am not overly comfortable with continuing it into the canon storyline of Kingdom Hearts. I don't know whether or not I will write more, we'll see. I'd say probably not unless people request it.))


End file.
